Blame it on our vivid imaginations and mediocre surroundings, but every time we fly, we check out the stewardesses. Yes, we’re using that word; like eating a big slab of steak or smoking in public, casually using the word stewardess is frowned upon in some circles. I want to make it clear: I am approaching this topic from a glandular perspective -- a perspective that doesn’t play nice with political correctness. Each time we board, we hope to fly with stewardesses as hot as those in the movie Airplane! (1980), Pam Grier in Jackie Brown (1997) and Catherine Zeta-Jones in The Terminal (2004).
Airlines may not be able to blatantly hire based on sex appeal anymore, but I sense that it’s still considered to a degree -- somewhere between the lines of “height and weight appropriate,” “professional appearance” and “pleasant personality.” The Player gave you pearls when he taught you How to Score a Stewardess; now that you know how, you need to know where. Here are 10 airlines with fly girls who’ll get more than your tray table in the upright position.
Number 10 Air France
You probably wouldn’t expect a French airline to outfit their stewardesses in frumpy uniforms, and you’d be right. Air France reportedly dropped about $23 million for Christian Lacroix to design a fresh look for their 36,000 employees in 2005. The navy blue uniforms definitely work for me -- they nicely accentuate the stewardesses’ shapely curves. I’m convinced that U.S./French relations would improve if the American detractors flew a jaunt on Air France.
What makes them especially hot: They could very well follow the French ideal of passion over happiness.
Number 9 Air New Zealand
For would-be stewardesses, Air New Zealand states, “vitality, resourcefulness, enthusiasm and flexibility are… attributes we search for in candidates.” Knowing they’re required to be able to swim the length of an Olympic-sized pool tells us they’re in shape, too. Finally, the airline’s TV ads use actual staff to promote New Zealand’s rugby teams. The way I see it, stewardesses who love physical sports can only be a bonus.
What makes them especially hot: Durex’s 2005 sex survey finds Kiwis even hornier than Americans.
Number 8 All Nippon Airlines
ANA’s corporate philosophy includes a desire to “create attractive surroundings for customers,” and I’m pleased to confirm their success when it comes to their stewardesses. An extreme example would be the appearance of a bootlegged uniform in a Japanese sex shop: the anticipated selling price was up to $2,650 U.S.. While that may be out of line with the airline’s decency standards, it does exemplify how guys lust after their stewardesses.
What makes them especially hot: ANA offers a line of anime-faced dolls wearing uniforms from the past and present -- maybe they’re intended for the kids, maybe not. Either way, it makes the real stewardesses even hotter.
Number 7 Cathay Pacific
One way Cathay Pacific marked their 60th anniversary in 2006 was with a fashion show, which highlighted their uniforms of the past and present. Instead of hiring professional models, Cathay opted to showcase their stewardesses on the catwalk -- an inspired choice if I may say. The company may stress service as the top quality to their stewardess candidates, but there’s an underlying sense of aesthetics present, too.
What makes them especially hot: Their stewardesses are equally adept at covering runways on a plane and onstage.
Number 6 Gulf Air
You might wonder if Gulf Air is the Hooters of the Mideast: They made headlines in 2004 when they reportedly targeted stewardess recruitment to China’s Sichuan province. Their claim was that the region’s young women possessed “patience with natural affinity.” “Cultural and aesthetic cultivation” were also key traits said to be considered. Even now, the airline asks for a full-length color photo at the formal interview.
What makes them especially hot: Gulf Air offers its Sky Nanny service on select flights, giving you a great excuse to interact with the beauties. Finally, there’s a practical reason for traveling with kids.
Number 5 Hooters Air
It’s sadly ironic, but Hooters Air has gone bust. I understand if you need a moment to collect yourself. Two Hooters Girls on every flight was the kind of policy I applauded for obvious reasons. The leather seating, extra legroom and light atmosphere were also appreciated. Unfortunately, after a three-year run, high fuel costs helped to ground Hooters’ scheduled service in April 2006. For now, private charter is the extent of their operations.
What made them especially hot: In the event of a water landing, they had their own flotation devices.
Number 4 Qantas
Dustin Hoffman’s Rain Man (1988) may only have been willing to fly Qantas because they “never crashed” (actually, they have). I suspect the hot hostesses could lure you aboard even if Qantas weren’t safe. The airline’s requirements of an “excellent level of health and fitness” and “natural, genuine, engaging, and confident personalities” ensure your continued presence in their seats. Trans-Pacific flights are tough enough to endure without sub-par stewardesses. Qantas seems to understand this and staffs their routes accordingly. A word of advice: calling them sheilas is not endearing, and won’t score you any points.
What makes them especially hot: I’m fighting the urge to drop a “down under” reference here, so I’ll settle for saying it’s the accent mate.
Number 3 Southwest
There was a time when Southwest clearly wanted to be the sexiest carrier in the air. In the early years after they took to the air in 1971, the stewardess uniform included orange hot pants and white go-go boots. Recruiters plainly asked candidates to wear dresses so their legs could be checked out. “We were selling sex,” admits current president, Colleen Barrett. Times have changed, and so has the dress code. Southwest stewardesses now display more fabric than skin, but we’ve seen a lot of them with figures built for the minimalist attire. Given society’s love for retro and Southwest’s laid-back business approach, we can still at least hope for throwback uniforms.What makes them especially hot: Genuinely great attitudes to go along with their looks.
Number 2 Thai Airways International
Thai Airways International has limited North American service, which is really unfortunate: the airline requires its stewardesses to be single, Thai nationals. They are also required to be at least 5’2” with proportional weight. Suffice it to say, it’s worth the effort to fly Thai. I suspect unattractive Thai women exist, but I have yet to see any evidence. From the moment you’re greeted with the traditional sawasdee, or welcoming gesture, I dare you to take your eyes off these stewardesses. Who needs any other in-flight entertainment?
What makes them especially hot: The fact that they’re required to be educated, too.
Number 1 Virgin Atlantic
Take Virgin Atlantic’s progressive approach to business, factor in hot stewardesses and keep in mind the 2005 Durex sex survey that lists the UK as the seventh-busiest nation (four slots ahead of the U.S.), and I like the odds. It couldn’t bother me that a hysterical stewardess panicked during turbulence. Virgin’s red skirts are tailored to show off figures rather well; certainly better than most uniforms we’ve seen. Most flights on Virgin are long, but it doesn’t mean they’re dull.What makes them especially hot: Combine the name Virgin with hot women… your imagination will take care of the rest.
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