First Kisses: The New Rules

Your lips touch for the first time: The earth moves. The angels sing...or, at least, that's what you hope will happen, right? The reality is, anticipating that first smooch can be one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking moments in your dating life. So much hangs in the balance: Will your date like how you kiss? Will there be chemistry? Does this person even want to lock lips with you in the first place?

Secret #1: Time it right
The most common question I get about first kisses is this: When should I do the deed? An understandable concern. No one wants to make the move too soon and get the dreaded cheek turn, and yet, wait too long and it sends the vibe you're not interested or that you lack confidence. So when should you dive in? Most women I've spoken to say it should happen on the first or second date — provided you don't wait until that very end when you're standing in their doorway. That's too predictable, awkward and likely to be framed by those "Umm, I had a really good time…" comments. Instead, go for something sexier and more spontaneous.A first kiss has to have something that's dynamic to it. Surprise me, catch me off guard. That's passion." And creativity, which earns bonus points, too. Women have told me about incredible kisses happening on the way into a restaurant (getting it out of the way early), across a dinner table, in a movie theater (during the opening credits), and just walking down the street, when the guy "noticed" that there was a romantic full moon overhead.

Secret #2: Guys and girls can take the lead
Some people think that it's a guy's responsibility to initiate a first kiss. But what I've heard over and over again from men is this: They love, love, love it when a woman makes the first move. "My best first kiss was when my now girlfriend just went for it. We were standing in the kitchen, getting ready to go out, and all of a sudden she just pushed me against the wall, and we sort of melted into each other. Guys love knowing that they're wanted, so I say, go ahead, girls, give him a break and go for it.

Secret #3: Leave 'em wanting more
Sure, you want your first kiss to be passionate...but that doesn't mean rough or messy. As one woman put it, "The worst first kiss is an aggressive, overly wet kiss. If a guy plunges his tongue in my mouth and spreads saliva all around my mouth, I tell him that I have to be at work early in the morning to cut things short." Super-deep kissing communicates that you're overeager, which can convince someone to put on the breaks. Give the recipient some air — that way, they'll be raring for more. "The one time I kissed a guy for the first time I made sure to pull away after a few seconds," recalls one woman. "It was great, since it gave me a second to look into his eyes and silently ask, 'Is this okay? You liking this?' before we dove back in. If we hadn't hit pause, I would never have known whether he was just kissing me to not be rude.

Secret #4: You'll win points for sensuality...
While a standard first kiss can be great, the men and women I've spoken with always remember — longingly — the ones that had an extra maneuver that heightened the romance factor. Usually, these are little moves that ramp up the kiss's sensuality.

Secret #4: You'll win points for sensuality...
While a standard first kiss can be great, the men and women I've spoken with always remember — longingly — the ones that had an extra maneuver that heightened the romance factor. Usually, these are little moves that ramp up the kiss's sensuality."One of my best-ever first kisses was when my date gently raked her nails through my hair — that got my nerve endings revved in an unexpected way." So feel free to add a little something extra.

Secret #5: You won't win points for weirdness
While playing with your date's hair or ear may be great, please — don't go out on a limb in the name of originality. A 38-year-old married woman put it this way: "The first time my now-husband kissed me, he licked my face, kind of like a dog. I thought, What the heck is this? Believe me, I thought twice about ever seeing this guy again… I still tease him about it today by calling him 'puppy lips.'"